My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize