apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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