I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
