In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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