I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
two words...techno handjob
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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