i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm really busy with my period
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