you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
