and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
