Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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