Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
