my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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