Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
