She is in my trunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
