I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
