Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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