I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
