4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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