Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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