Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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