So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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