If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do vagina's smell?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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