I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
