what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
