He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
