girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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