We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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