Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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