yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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