yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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