She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
