I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
