I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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