We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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