I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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