I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
