maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
