Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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