4 words: hood of his car
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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