Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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