YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
