just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
