Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
