so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
