is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
