just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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