She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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