My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
