if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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