I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
