Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
