Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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