He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
