WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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