Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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