What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
