Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
