you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
be right there i have to get my cape
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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