my phone needs a breathalizer
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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