do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
