I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
