All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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