if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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