Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I AM VODKA MAN
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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