My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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