i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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