You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
