Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
