you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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