dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
