I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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