You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
